We just got back from Michigan a couple of hours ago. Headed up there Friday, ate dinner at our favorite noodle joint, let the kids run off their energy at the Briarwood Mall playground (Hannah and Emily's old stomping grounds), had some cookies.
They had one of those bungee-jumping concessions near the center court, and of course Emily just had to try it! I'll attach a pic. She also wanted to go to Build-A-Criminally-Overpriced-Bear and make the Frosty snowman, but I think she got more bang for the buck doing the bungee jumping. I know we did.
Then we headed over to Hope and Sean's and hung out with them for a while. It was so amazing to see them again. They were our neighbors across the street when we lived in Ypsi, and their son Corey, 16yo now, was sort of a big brother to Hannah (and Emily) when we lived there. It's so weird to have to look UP to talk to him! Of course, they knew Emily last as a toddler, even younger than Max. Hope and I had a bit of wine and she was getting pretty sentimental, asking a lot of questions about how it's been for the six years that Hannah's been gone. I think in a way, spending the time with us and seeing Emily especially so grown up, it hit them hard too.
The next day we went to Sandy's house for a while. Emily and Miranda immediately picked up where they'd last left off, and Dan was great with Max -- which left Sandy and me plenty of time to sit and chat. Had lunch and relaxed for a while, then we went back to our old neighborhood for the annual Christmas party/progressive dinner, which we used to do back when we lived there. This year, the Haseys (the ones who bought our old house) hosted the appetizers, and Hope and Sean hosted the dinner part. We didn't stay for the coffee or dessert, but it was still great.
We realized how much we really miss our old neighborhood. As great as it's been here in Ytown, it felt good to be around people who "knew us when", who had known Hannah and experienced her loss along with us. We shared gossip and stories of stuff that had happened in the 'hood when we were there and since we'd left. We both were left feeling that the party was, in a way, much more of a celebration of Hannah's memory than even just being at the crash site on the date was. Everyone here who knows us well has been very compassionate and kind, but they didn't lose Hannah along with us -- our old friends and neighbors did.
After that we headed back to Sandy's house with a few pizzas, and the girls had a "pajama party". We sat around and chatted again and finally got everyone to bed, then spent the morning just hanging out with them. Steve made us pancakes, and Dan tried to convince us that Max needs some pet hermit crabs. Around noon we took off. Sandy had given Emily a bag of some of Miranda's old Junie B. Jones books, which Emily literally devoured -- in the time it took us to get back to Ohio, she read 3 of the books and was most of the way through the 4th one.
We made some stops -- Zingerman's bakehouse and creamery, Trader Joe's, and then Hannah's rock, where we spent a little time and neatened stuff up. That was harder emotionally than I'd thought. It always feels like we're leaving her behind, even though we're not...
The car DVD player made the ride much easier, although the headphones weren't working so Jon and I had to listen to Cars two times through. It more or less eliminated any screaming, though, so it was worth it.
Got home and Ron, an old and very dear friend from ATL, had called us, which was great. Jon is talking to him right now. I'd been thinking of him.
Thanks to the iPhone, we were able to listen to WYSU a bit on the way home, and heard our day sponsor message that we'd issued in Hannah's memory. That always helps, every year.
So anyway. Onward.
But I will say this: Youngstown is no Ann Arbor. And never will be. We are happy to be here and appreciate it for what it is, but it's a whole different planet from A2.
12.20.2009
12.14.2009
This is just so hard
I still don't fully understand why this is hitting me SO HARD this year. I know Emily's increased awareness/emotions about it are a factor. Maybe so is the fact that we no longer have an overriding worry/pressure (Jon getting tenure) to distract us.
I haven't felt like this for a while. I am starting to revert to where I was during the first year, where on some level I thought that perhaps some miracle would occur and she'd just return, as though she'd been away for a while and forgotten to let me know she was going. I used to picture her coming in the front door and looking a little nervous because she knew she'd been gone a while and that we'd be freaked out.
I wonder what she would look like now? She'd be turning 12 this coming April. Would she be as tall as me yet? Would she still look like a kid or more like a teenager? What would it be like to have here here with Emily being a bigger kid and having a little brother too? I have a feeling she'd adore Max and be another kind of mom figure to him.
I know Emily has been wanting Deana to come play because I think on some level she thinks of Deana as being, not exactly a stand-in for Hannah, but just that because Deana's a similar age to Hannah and because she has always acted sort of big-sisterish to Emily, it helps Emily feel some kind of connection or like she's got someone in her life who at least represents what Hannah would have been to her.
I just remember how sweet Hannah was and how she was at that magic age, where she was still little enough to be really innocent and to believe in things like princesses and other fantasy notions, but old enough to care about other people and want to help. I can still hear her voice. Emily sounds a bit like her, and I will miss it so much once she grows beyond that.
I haven't felt like this for a while. I am starting to revert to where I was during the first year, where on some level I thought that perhaps some miracle would occur and she'd just return, as though she'd been away for a while and forgotten to let me know she was going. I used to picture her coming in the front door and looking a little nervous because she knew she'd been gone a while and that we'd be freaked out.
I wonder what she would look like now? She'd be turning 12 this coming April. Would she be as tall as me yet? Would she still look like a kid or more like a teenager? What would it be like to have here here with Emily being a bigger kid and having a little brother too? I have a feeling she'd adore Max and be another kind of mom figure to him.
I know Emily has been wanting Deana to come play because I think on some level she thinks of Deana as being, not exactly a stand-in for Hannah, but just that because Deana's a similar age to Hannah and because she has always acted sort of big-sisterish to Emily, it helps Emily feel some kind of connection or like she's got someone in her life who at least represents what Hannah would have been to her.
I just remember how sweet Hannah was and how she was at that magic age, where she was still little enough to be really innocent and to believe in things like princesses and other fantasy notions, but old enough to care about other people and want to help. I can still hear her voice. Emily sounds a bit like her, and I will miss it so much once she grows beyond that.
12.01.2009
Almost six years
Well, December is upon us.
We had a terrific Thanksgiving. Gary and Nesha and Sarah and Tati came over for dinner -- I did the turkey and fixings, she brought pies, wine and the most delicious raw cranberry relish I've ever had. I am never ever eating or using the whole-berry canned stuff again. Even though my doctored-up version is pretty good, it isn't in the same galaxy as the raw relish.
Emily is in second grade and has totally hit her stride. Conferences were last week and except for the fact that she tends to be loud (i.e., using mostly an "outside voice" in class when she gets excited about stuff, which is not news to us), the consensus was more or less "she's doing great, keep up the good work, we absolutely love having her in class." That was really wonderful to hear. She's enjoying school, and the social/friends thing is settling down a bit -- being with those same kids year after year, I guess they are finally getting a handle on how to deal with each other.
The thing that's getting difficult with her is that lately she seems to be actively grieving for Hannah. She says so many things remind her of Hannah -- especially since the holidays started approaching -- and I'm trying to understand what it is that's different about her feelings now. I'm guessing that it's because she's starting to be old enough to understand what happened to Hannah, and to grasp the magnitude of how horrible the accident really was, for all of us.
She has asked so many questions about every detail about our hospital stays, the timeline of the events in the accident, if I remember anything about it. She claims that she remembers the pain and the impact -- I don't know what to think about that. She cries a lot about Hannah. The other day she said that if Hannah had never been alive then we wouldn't have to be so sad now. :(
What I'm concerned about is if, or when, she starts to question WHY she survived and Hannah didn't -- not in the factual sense, but in terms of maybe feeling guilty or responsible somehow. I want to be prepared and be able to get her whatever help she needs to deal with it, if it's beyond what I can do. I do know someone who would probably be very helpful, so maybe I'll call her soon and discuss my concerns and see what she thinks.
I've been feeling a lot sadder too, about all of that. It's funny -- Jon did officially get tenure, so that worry is officially off our shoulders, and it wasn't until right after that happened, that I started really feeling pretty crushingly sad again about Hannah. It was as though the whole getting-tenure rat race distracted us.
I even find myself lately hoping that some miracle can happen and she will somehow mysteriously be restored to us, as though she had just been away for six years and is now back to stay; I imagine the logistics of who would have what bedroom, and schoolwork, and where we'd all sit at our table. I haven't had thoughts like that since shortly after we moved here.
Maybe unconsciously I thought that once we knew where we'd settle (i.e., once the tenure question was settled), that everything else would be restored to us as well.
Some of it also may be that, although Max is far from independent, he is older, occasionally sleeps through the night, will stay with a sitter or the Y child care, will play with Emily instead of just clinging to my legs all the time -- so that gives me a little more room and time to face reality.
We had a terrific Thanksgiving. Gary and Nesha and Sarah and Tati came over for dinner -- I did the turkey and fixings, she brought pies, wine and the most delicious raw cranberry relish I've ever had. I am never ever eating or using the whole-berry canned stuff again. Even though my doctored-up version is pretty good, it isn't in the same galaxy as the raw relish.
Emily is in second grade and has totally hit her stride. Conferences were last week and except for the fact that she tends to be loud (i.e., using mostly an "outside voice" in class when she gets excited about stuff, which is not news to us), the consensus was more or less "she's doing great, keep up the good work, we absolutely love having her in class." That was really wonderful to hear. She's enjoying school, and the social/friends thing is settling down a bit -- being with those same kids year after year, I guess they are finally getting a handle on how to deal with each other.
The thing that's getting difficult with her is that lately she seems to be actively grieving for Hannah. She says so many things remind her of Hannah -- especially since the holidays started approaching -- and I'm trying to understand what it is that's different about her feelings now. I'm guessing that it's because she's starting to be old enough to understand what happened to Hannah, and to grasp the magnitude of how horrible the accident really was, for all of us.
She has asked so many questions about every detail about our hospital stays, the timeline of the events in the accident, if I remember anything about it. She claims that she remembers the pain and the impact -- I don't know what to think about that. She cries a lot about Hannah. The other day she said that if Hannah had never been alive then we wouldn't have to be so sad now. :(
What I'm concerned about is if, or when, she starts to question WHY she survived and Hannah didn't -- not in the factual sense, but in terms of maybe feeling guilty or responsible somehow. I want to be prepared and be able to get her whatever help she needs to deal with it, if it's beyond what I can do. I do know someone who would probably be very helpful, so maybe I'll call her soon and discuss my concerns and see what she thinks.
I've been feeling a lot sadder too, about all of that. It's funny -- Jon did officially get tenure, so that worry is officially off our shoulders, and it wasn't until right after that happened, that I started really feeling pretty crushingly sad again about Hannah. It was as though the whole getting-tenure rat race distracted us.
I even find myself lately hoping that some miracle can happen and she will somehow mysteriously be restored to us, as though she had just been away for six years and is now back to stay; I imagine the logistics of who would have what bedroom, and schoolwork, and where we'd all sit at our table. I haven't had thoughts like that since shortly after we moved here.
Maybe unconsciously I thought that once we knew where we'd settle (i.e., once the tenure question was settled), that everything else would be restored to us as well.
Some of it also may be that, although Max is far from independent, he is older, occasionally sleeps through the night, will stay with a sitter or the Y child care, will play with Emily instead of just clinging to my legs all the time -- so that gives me a little more room and time to face reality.
4.30.2009
cannot.take.it.any.more
OK.
So Max is 27mo. He does not co-sleep, does not nurse at bedtime or naptime, does not nurse at all during the night, takes about a 1.5-hour nap at midday. He still nurses a few times during the day, mainly for comfort.
The problem is that he is not sleeping through the night. It's not just that he wakes up; it's that he is actively doing every single thing in his power to keep himself awake. He fights falling asleep at bedtime (and to a lesser extent at naptime).
Jon says that basically it seems like Max is incapable of sleeping for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch -- at the absolute maximum. I can think of maybe four times in his 2 years that he's made it longer than that.
We have been consistently doing Ferber-style CIO with him when he wakes up. Before that we were going in and sitting next to the crib and just "shh"-ing or sitting quietly until he settled himself back down.
For a while that seemed to work, in the sense that he'd resettle reasonably quickly (less than half an hour). However, it has been getting worse and worse and worse, which is why we've gone to Ferber. That has made no difference.
Last night I was awake from 1 a.m. to 4 a.m., then up for the day at 6:30. We are FRIED.
We're starting to wonder if there is, maybe, possibly...? some kind of neuro or biochemical problem with him? I know he's still pretty young, but it seems like his sleep is getting worse with time and not better. I have gathered over the years that sometimes kids on the autism spectrum or with other neuro or developmental issues have trouble falling/staying asleep.
Other than being slightly delayed with speech (at least imo, based on what i've seen of other boys his age like Nicky/Ethan/Eli), I am not seeing anything that would make me immediately have red flags for other issues. He is going through a pretty big surge verbally, so while he's still behind (imo) he's making progress.
I am at the point where I want to ask our pediatrician about this, but I'm not sure how to approach it. I don't want to get brushed off with "he's just spoiled/let him CIO", but on the other hand I don't want to come in with an agenda about possible neuro/biochem issues either.
We are absolutely at the limits of our ability to cope. We are SO TIRED. Since he is otherwise fine/happy/developing more or less normally, we are absolutely baffled as to what may be going on (if anything).
/novel
Talk me down, laugh and point, validate my concerns -- whatever. Jon and I are just completely confused as to what to do about this, if anything.
So Max is 27mo. He does not co-sleep, does not nurse at bedtime or naptime, does not nurse at all during the night, takes about a 1.5-hour nap at midday. He still nurses a few times during the day, mainly for comfort.
The problem is that he is not sleeping through the night. It's not just that he wakes up; it's that he is actively doing every single thing in his power to keep himself awake. He fights falling asleep at bedtime (and to a lesser extent at naptime).
Jon says that basically it seems like Max is incapable of sleeping for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch -- at the absolute maximum. I can think of maybe four times in his 2 years that he's made it longer than that.
We have been consistently doing Ferber-style CIO with him when he wakes up. Before that we were going in and sitting next to the crib and just "shh"-ing or sitting quietly until he settled himself back down.
For a while that seemed to work, in the sense that he'd resettle reasonably quickly (less than half an hour). However, it has been getting worse and worse and worse, which is why we've gone to Ferber. That has made no difference.
Last night I was awake from 1 a.m. to 4 a.m., then up for the day at 6:30. We are FRIED.
We're starting to wonder if there is, maybe, possibly...? some kind of neuro or biochemical problem with him? I know he's still pretty young, but it seems like his sleep is getting worse with time and not better. I have gathered over the years that sometimes kids on the autism spectrum or with other neuro or developmental issues have trouble falling/staying asleep.
Other than being slightly delayed with speech (at least imo, based on what i've seen of other boys his age like Nicky/Ethan/Eli), I am not seeing anything that would make me immediately have red flags for other issues. He is going through a pretty big surge verbally, so while he's still behind (imo) he's making progress.
I am at the point where I want to ask our pediatrician about this, but I'm not sure how to approach it. I don't want to get brushed off with "he's just spoiled/let him CIO", but on the other hand I don't want to come in with an agenda about possible neuro/biochem issues either.
We are absolutely at the limits of our ability to cope. We are SO TIRED. Since he is otherwise fine/happy/developing more or less normally, we are absolutely baffled as to what may be going on (if anything).
/novel
Talk me down, laugh and point, validate my concerns -- whatever. Jon and I are just completely confused as to what to do about this, if anything.
4.17.2009
Happy 11th birthday!
This is Hannah sitting in the rocker with Emily, and shows her habitual expression, full of energy and joy.It was a gorgeous day just like this, around this time of day, when she was born. I like that her birthday is such an integral part of spring, usually right when all the trees are bursting into full bloom.
I was a mess last night, but feel better today. We're making cupcakes to decorate later, and Emily and my mom are playing outside making a "fair". I'll head on out with Max to see what's going on once the cupcakes are out of the oven.
11 years old! I can't even imagine what she might be like. She'd be more preteen than child; maybe even as tall as I am. I wish she was still here to be Emily's big sister and to dote on Max, but her spirit does still remain and permeate everything.
4.07.2009
There but for the grace of [insert deity/force here]...
The whole thing with Natasha Richardson's accident (and the several other reported case stories of epidural hematoma that, predictably, appeared in the news for a couple of weeks after that) has really brought some of the stuff back to me.
Mostly I have no recollection of the accident. I *think* I have a vague impression of being sort of slumped down, nose to nose with the radio console, and mumbling my phone number to someone. Also, I think I have a brief recollection of being maybe in the ER and complaining that my head hurt and being afraid to go to sleep.
Jon remembers that I was kind of disoriented when he got to the ER, and that I didn't really seem to understand when he told me about Hannah's death and the accident. He said I kept asking him "Are you sure we can stay together?" I don't know what my thoughts could have been at the time, although I'm guessing maybe I just couldn't process it.
He said they had advised him not to tell me about Hannah before I went into surgery, but I am glad he did what HE needed to do about that. I can't imagine how it would have been for him not to tell me; like he was all alone with it.
So they gave him a ton of forms to sign, and apparently made a very big point of telling him that they could not give him any idea of how I would come through the surgery -- that I may be just fine, or I could be completely disabled, or brain-damaged on maybe a 5yo level. If I survived. He had to sign the forms quickly because I guess I started to deteriorate rapidly (going from being more or less lucid to starting to lose consciousness) and then I went right into surgery.
My mind tends to skitter away from the thought of what he must have endured at that point, to find out within a 10-minute space of time that Hannah was dead, Emily seriously injured, and that I might very well die or be disabled. Luckily, the rector from our church was there, and I guess they had a social worker there too. I think my mom got there at some point in the afternoon, but I don't know for sure.
My mom's version of events is pretty similar to Jon's (probably the one time in history that that will ever happen!). She said that I came pretty close to dying, I suppose because I started that decline just before they got me to surgery. She is convinced that if we had been further from the hospital, or had not had such expert care once there (the U of M medical center vs., say, Youngstown quacks) I would not be here now.
I read a number of the articles about Natasha Richardson's accident and death and memorial service, and I remember feeling so devastated on her mother's behalf, especially. I never thought I'd have something in common with Vanessa Redgrave, and I sure wish that if I did, it would have been something other than losing our daughters. My heart breaks for Natasha's sons and her husband, too, but there was something about her mother's face in one of the photos; I just wished I could have reached out to her. And I felt almost angry that I got to survive, but someone else didn't, and she could so easily have been saved.
Anyway, as you can tell since you're reading this and I'm writing this in a more or less coherent fashion, I came out OK.
At least I think so.
I do notice some changes, but nothing that I could attribute specifically to the injury.
During the first year after the accident, I had a lot of short-term memory lapses. I also found that I couldn't multi-task or process multiple streams of information, which had been a strong point of mine before.
On the other hand, during that same year I was: grieving for Hannah, helping Emily heal from her wounds, standing by Jon during his job search, learning that we were going to move, getting the house ready to sell, leaving our home, moving to a totally new area, and helping Jon adjust to not just a new job, but what amounted to a career change.
So what with dealing with all those significant life stresses/events, who knows?
I do remember shortly after we moved here, Jon was putting together a set of exams. He wanted to make four separate sets in which the questions/answers were shuffled, in order to cut down on cheating. He asked me if I could help him do that, and I offered to because in the past, it was the kind of thing I could do very quickly and easily -- far more so than he could.
But I got started on it and realized I was totally confused, and just couldn't process what I was trying to do. I felt really agitated and upset, because I was not used to having any difficulty with that kind of thing. In the end, we did it together, but it took me far longer than it would have before the accident.
I do think I have struggled a lot harder with depression since then, and I'm not altogether sure there isn't a physiological reason along with the obvious situational things. I notice also that it's still harder for me to stay on top of just basic organizational functions -- the combination of Emily's school stuff, regular things like bills, housework, anything long-term -- I seem to be somewhat paralyzed. I don't know how to overcome it, and it doesn't help that right now Jon is absolutely slaving away to make sure he gets the tenure requirements fulfilled.
And I do think maybe I'm in a new stage -- I really do have two KIDS now. This is something new, because the last time I had two, Emily was still really a baby (18mo); where now Max is over 2yo and more verbal (barely) and not just the baby along for the ride. We're dealing with the two different appetites/preferences at meals, the thing where if one kid has something the other one HAS to have it, the juggling of things appropriate for one age or another. With Emily that wasn't an issue, though I could see we were headed that way.
Mostly I have no recollection of the accident. I *think* I have a vague impression of being sort of slumped down, nose to nose with the radio console, and mumbling my phone number to someone. Also, I think I have a brief recollection of being maybe in the ER and complaining that my head hurt and being afraid to go to sleep.
Jon remembers that I was kind of disoriented when he got to the ER, and that I didn't really seem to understand when he told me about Hannah's death and the accident. He said I kept asking him "Are you sure we can stay together?" I don't know what my thoughts could have been at the time, although I'm guessing maybe I just couldn't process it.
He said they had advised him not to tell me about Hannah before I went into surgery, but I am glad he did what HE needed to do about that. I can't imagine how it would have been for him not to tell me; like he was all alone with it.
So they gave him a ton of forms to sign, and apparently made a very big point of telling him that they could not give him any idea of how I would come through the surgery -- that I may be just fine, or I could be completely disabled, or brain-damaged on maybe a 5yo level. If I survived. He had to sign the forms quickly because I guess I started to deteriorate rapidly (going from being more or less lucid to starting to lose consciousness) and then I went right into surgery.
My mind tends to skitter away from the thought of what he must have endured at that point, to find out within a 10-minute space of time that Hannah was dead, Emily seriously injured, and that I might very well die or be disabled. Luckily, the rector from our church was there, and I guess they had a social worker there too. I think my mom got there at some point in the afternoon, but I don't know for sure.
My mom's version of events is pretty similar to Jon's (probably the one time in history that that will ever happen!). She said that I came pretty close to dying, I suppose because I started that decline just before they got me to surgery. She is convinced that if we had been further from the hospital, or had not had such expert care once there (the U of M medical center vs., say, Youngstown quacks) I would not be here now.
I read a number of the articles about Natasha Richardson's accident and death and memorial service, and I remember feeling so devastated on her mother's behalf, especially. I never thought I'd have something in common with Vanessa Redgrave, and I sure wish that if I did, it would have been something other than losing our daughters. My heart breaks for Natasha's sons and her husband, too, but there was something about her mother's face in one of the photos; I just wished I could have reached out to her. And I felt almost angry that I got to survive, but someone else didn't, and she could so easily have been saved.
Anyway, as you can tell since you're reading this and I'm writing this in a more or less coherent fashion, I came out OK.
At least I think so.
I do notice some changes, but nothing that I could attribute specifically to the injury.
During the first year after the accident, I had a lot of short-term memory lapses. I also found that I couldn't multi-task or process multiple streams of information, which had been a strong point of mine before.
On the other hand, during that same year I was: grieving for Hannah, helping Emily heal from her wounds, standing by Jon during his job search, learning that we were going to move, getting the house ready to sell, leaving our home, moving to a totally new area, and helping Jon adjust to not just a new job, but what amounted to a career change.
So what with dealing with all those significant life stresses/events, who knows?
I do remember shortly after we moved here, Jon was putting together a set of exams. He wanted to make four separate sets in which the questions/answers were shuffled, in order to cut down on cheating. He asked me if I could help him do that, and I offered to because in the past, it was the kind of thing I could do very quickly and easily -- far more so than he could.
But I got started on it and realized I was totally confused, and just couldn't process what I was trying to do. I felt really agitated and upset, because I was not used to having any difficulty with that kind of thing. In the end, we did it together, but it took me far longer than it would have before the accident.
I do think I have struggled a lot harder with depression since then, and I'm not altogether sure there isn't a physiological reason along with the obvious situational things. I notice also that it's still harder for me to stay on top of just basic organizational functions -- the combination of Emily's school stuff, regular things like bills, housework, anything long-term -- I seem to be somewhat paralyzed. I don't know how to overcome it, and it doesn't help that right now Jon is absolutely slaving away to make sure he gets the tenure requirements fulfilled.
And I do think maybe I'm in a new stage -- I really do have two KIDS now. This is something new, because the last time I had two, Emily was still really a baby (18mo); where now Max is over 2yo and more verbal (barely) and not just the baby along for the ride. We're dealing with the two different appetites/preferences at meals, the thing where if one kid has something the other one HAS to have it, the juggling of things appropriate for one age or another. With Emily that wasn't an issue, though I could see we were headed that way.
1.14.2009
Harpy New Year
I'm still in this crabby stage, and not sure how to shake it. The holidays were good, and things are going OK, but I'm sort of irrationally annoyed at everyone in the world who isn't worried about job security or who doesn't have a nursing toddler. I think that's my cue to start calling people and get off my ass and stop feeling sorry for myself.
I also need to get out of town. Way overdue for a visit to MI, or even a Trader Joe's run to Cleveland.
Everyone out there who prays at all, keep praying for Jon to get tenure. He's submitted one paper (twice so far, no dice) and is working on another, and doesn't have to apply until this fall, but I am just paralyzed with dread about all the what-ifs. Nobody else in the dept. had to fulfill the tenure requirements, and they all keep assuring him that it's no big deal, but to us it is. I keep feeling that it's because they haven't dealt with job insecurity or significant losses of any kind for years, whereas we have been through both of those (at the same time) fairly recently. I just want to shake them until their necks snap.
I also need to get out of town. Way overdue for a visit to MI, or even a Trader Joe's run to Cleveland.
Everyone out there who prays at all, keep praying for Jon to get tenure. He's submitted one paper (twice so far, no dice) and is working on another, and doesn't have to apply until this fall, but I am just paralyzed with dread about all the what-ifs. Nobody else in the dept. had to fulfill the tenure requirements, and they all keep assuring him that it's no big deal, but to us it is. I keep feeling that it's because they haven't dealt with job insecurity or significant losses of any kind for years, whereas we have been through both of those (at the same time) fairly recently. I just want to shake them until their necks snap.
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