Max rewarded my optimism with being completely fussy, clingy, whiny and bratty today, right around the time I finished posting the last entry. Bleah.
I also feel under the weather (stomach issues) so maybe he's feeling a bit punk too.
Anyway, though -- with regards to winter, I submit the following by Winston Churchill: "It is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."
So, we'll see.
I have the Essure procedure scheduled for mid-May, and 3 months after that I should be completely done with ever worrying about getting pregnant. I'm still kicking myself for not just getting a tubal as long as they were in there getting Max out, but I read one or two accounts of bad-ish side effects from tubals (heavier periods, etc.) and for some reason I panicked.
In hindsight, I suspect I also wasn't ready to take a permanent step until I knew everything would be fine with Max -- at the time I didn't think of that consciously, but I remember after Hannah died and feeling so stymied and frustrated by the fact that we had already been DONE with kids and Jon had finally gotten the snip, and then there we were facing all those decisions again.
Oh, well.
Even if, God/Allah/whoever forbid, something happens to one of the children, there is just no way in hell I can ever, ever be pregnant or have a baby again. I am just too damn old, my health is already compromised enough, and I'm just OVER the baby thing, completely. I love Max and he is cute and I will sort of miss his babyhood once it's really gone, but I sure won't wish it back. I am ready to move on. I feel like we have been running in place for a decade; like we've flunked kindergarten a few times... for 10 years we have had only children age 5 and under.
Well, enough blathering.
4.09.2008
Why, yes it could!
It IS finally spring. 60's all week so far (tho rainy today); lots of outside play, reconnecting with neighbors (nothing's perfect, alas, though the racist idjit neighbors should be putting their house on the market this month, or so I was told), opening windows and getting fresh air in the house and car, etc. etc.
Yesterday the kids and I met up with a new friend (Jaci) at the JCC playground after school. We actually met through the grandmother of the other kids, who had played with Emily on two different occasions at the mall. So I invited Jan (and Jaci) to come to book club. Jan came and it was spectacular -- she fits right in and we all enjoyed having her there. Jaci and I hit it off pretty well too. She is very down-to-earth, has a sense of humor, and I like her very much. She's also a photographer so she brought along her gorgeous new camera (my camera is the digital equivalent of an Instamatic, by comparison) and took tons of shots of the big kids (Boston, Ridley, and Emily) and of Max too.
Emily and Boston bonded instantly at the mall. It's funny because before we talked to Jan, I was noticing what a nice, NORMAL-looking kid he was -- no camouflage, no mullet, no bad manners. Ridley and Emily get along well too, but Boston is clearly the one who befriended E.
I think the end is finally in sight for YSU's term. Jon is still completely fried, but doesn't seem as dispirited as before. No doubt the weather finally becoming civilized makes a difference, plus it's not so damn DARK all the time.
Max loves crawling around in dirt/mulch/grass/mud. The girls kind of liked it, but he ADORES it. He has been happier and less fussy, at least partly as a result of all the fresh air, although last night he woke up several times, so I'm feeling it today.
I reclaimed my purse (the former recycling bin/compost heap/dumpster with handles) and straightened out/caught up the finances, and that has made a huge difference too. I haven't told Jon yet that I can automatically enter/download/reconcile, unlike before when we used to do it all manually, so he thinks I'm working a lot harder on it than I am. Shhh.
This was definitely a winter of discontent!
Yesterday the kids and I met up with a new friend (Jaci) at the JCC playground after school. We actually met through the grandmother of the other kids, who had played with Emily on two different occasions at the mall. So I invited Jan (and Jaci) to come to book club. Jan came and it was spectacular -- she fits right in and we all enjoyed having her there. Jaci and I hit it off pretty well too. She is very down-to-earth, has a sense of humor, and I like her very much. She's also a photographer so she brought along her gorgeous new camera (my camera is the digital equivalent of an Instamatic, by comparison) and took tons of shots of the big kids (Boston, Ridley, and Emily) and of Max too.
Emily and Boston bonded instantly at the mall. It's funny because before we talked to Jan, I was noticing what a nice, NORMAL-looking kid he was -- no camouflage, no mullet, no bad manners. Ridley and Emily get along well too, but Boston is clearly the one who befriended E.
I think the end is finally in sight for YSU's term. Jon is still completely fried, but doesn't seem as dispirited as before. No doubt the weather finally becoming civilized makes a difference, plus it's not so damn DARK all the time.
Max loves crawling around in dirt/mulch/grass/mud. The girls kind of liked it, but he ADORES it. He has been happier and less fussy, at least partly as a result of all the fresh air, although last night he woke up several times, so I'm feeling it today.
I reclaimed my purse (the former recycling bin/compost heap/dumpster with handles) and straightened out/caught up the finances, and that has made a huge difference too. I haven't told Jon yet that I can automatically enter/download/reconcile, unlike before when we used to do it all manually, so he thinks I'm working a lot harder on it than I am. Shhh.
This was definitely a winter of discontent!
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