So yesterday I had a meeting with Max's IEP team (Michelle/OT and Dawn/Speech). Oh my fucking GAWD. Dawn (who I didn't even recognize at first because I never see the woman and she never gives me any documentation/info without my having to beg for it) was all "oh geeee, I just don't knooowwww if Montessori is a good idea for Max; I don't knooowwww if they'll do anything good for him; he's made soooo much progress and I just don't knooowwww anything whatsoever about Montessori; I'm just here to advocate for Max and make sure he gets what he neeeeeeds, bla bla bla" and then MICHELLE who has been nothing but enthusiastic and supportive about the whole thing so far is suddenly all "I haven't heard back from Amy and I don't know if she's going to want to work with us and I'm just worried bla bla bla."
A "professional" speech therapist who works exclusively with children should probably have at least a minimal knowledge of other education philosophies outside of the ONE school district she services. And where does she get off with the "I'm just Max's advocate and want what's best for him" with the puppy dog eyes.
And Michelle? Love her to death and she has done truly amazing things for Max, but since when is it on ME to do her job and follow through when she hasn't gotten a reply she needs? She's string there bleating about how gee, she hasn't heard back from Amy-Anne after their last email exchange and golly, what if they don't want her to work with Max and oh no, maybe I offended her. Ok, so do what any semi-intelligent person would do -- follow up with an email or better yet, a phone call and just say "hey, let's touch base about Max; let me know your thoughts about working with him and what would work best for everyone; please get back to me at your earliest convenience."
And just to make it that much more special, DO YOU HAVE TO WAIT INTIL LITERALLY ONE HOUR AFTER HE'S JUST LEFT HIS OLD PRESCHOOL FOR THE LAST TIME???? If there were concerns, they could have been brought up in NOVEMBER 2011 when I first told you I was considering switching him over. GAAAAH.
So of course they totally have me second-guessing this shit AGAIN and all panicky about yet another Montessori disaster. Tapped right into the last remnants of my PTSD from our first go-round. It was not a pretty day.
I was on shaky emotional ground anyway because of the http://storycorps.org/listen/stories/dennis-and-buelah-apple/ Storycorps episode that I had woken up to; compounded by having just picked Max up from St. Mark's for the last time and feeling very bittersweet about the end of this stage. Top with having a cold and being a bit fatigued, and it was just a clusterfuck of epic proportions.
And I remember when they were infants and thinking, "it can only get easier from here, right?" It is to laugh.
Onward.
1.28.2012
1.25.2012
random updates
Well, as mentioned before, Max will start at the Montessori school next Wednesday, February 1. I know he's getting a little confused about the whole idea. We are explaining it to him and showing him the days on the calendar, etc. but I just can't get a handle on how much he understands. I do know that, while he likes his current school (and I do too) he seems to be much more interested in going to the Montessori school -- in the mornings when he's doing his whole "I wanna stay home/stay asleep/play DS all day" schtick, he sometimes says he wants to go to Montessori. Keeping everything crossed that the transition is an easy one.
Friday will be his last day at St. Mark's, and then we'll take Monday and Tuesday off before he starts Montessori on the 1st. It's a bit of an awkward gap, but his teacher figured it would be a bit easier than one day going to one school and then BAM another day starting somewhere new. I need to figure out something nice to do for them. I'm going to be donating a shit-ton (approximately) of baby toys and books to their infant and toddler room, since they indicated a need for extras, but I'd like to make a donation or maybe get them some kind of a gift card for a place like Carson/Dellossa or anywhere they can get nice new materials for their classes. They have done so much for Max, and I honestly don't know how we would have survived if he hadn't been able to go there last year for the 3's.
It's going to be a bit hectic in the mornings, getting Emily to Akiva and then Max to Montessori, but he'll only be going half-days for the rest of this year, so pickup is going to be a breeze. Next year, Emily will be at Montessori too, so it will be amazingly simple. It's going to be so nice having two kids in the same school -- it'll sure cut down on the mileage if nothing else.
I feel kind of sad about taking Emily out of Akiva. From a logistical standpoint, though, it just doesn't seem possible to have the two of them at different schools once Max starts going full-time (presumably next fall). I do not like the direction Akiva is going in currently (taking in way too many EdChoice kids that just aren't up to the academic and behavior standards, the watering-down of the Judaica) but Emily's class is relatively unaffected by this. Her group is sort of the last "old-school" type of class there, in that most of the kids are Jewish and part of the local Jewish community; all but one of them are not EdChoice; all but two of them have been there since at least first grade and are well-versed in the Hebrew and Judaica studies. It really is a great group of kids and I have loved watching them all grow up together. I will miss them terribly.
Emily has mixed feelings -- she will miss her class and the teachers and the school, but she says there is starting to be a lot more chaos and bad behavior overall; not so much in her class or the upper grades but in the school in general. The climate of the place has really changed, and not for the better, unfortunately. She has good friends in the class (in particular Julia and Caroline) but she isn't as much a part of the local Jewish community as they all are. Whereas at Montessori, she will be with Boston, Ridley, AND Ben M. -- three of her best friends, that she is more involved with outside of school, between dance and mutual friends and YSU stuff. Plus I'm closer to their parents as my own friends, where while I quite like most of the parents at Akiva, I haven't really become close to any of them outside of school. Gretchen would be an exception, but I hardly think of her as an Akiva parent -- I never see her there, Emily and Andrew aren't close any more, and my friendship with Gretchen so far predates the Akiva era anyway.
She's excited to go to Montessori, and is actually kind of pleased also about being at school with Max. I think it will be a good fit for her. In particular, the way they learn math (with more manipulatives and hands-on lessons rather than just workbooks) will probably be what saves her, because she is not doing well with that at all. Largely this is due to the fact that she isn't lazy exactly, but doesn't want to persist at something if she doesn't get it right away. (I know... chip off the old block.) And she has a great memory for stuff like spelling, and if she'd just apply it to learning, say, the times tables and basic math procedures she'd be amazing at it. With the multi-age classroom, too, she can work ahead as far as she needs to (she's way beyond grade level with reading and spelling) and get all the extra time/help she needs with stuff like math, both from the teacher and from her peers.
I will really miss the Jewish education and what it's added to our lives, though. I love that I have learned so much about it and it helped me feel closer to my dad and the memory of my grandpa; I love that Emily feels proud of that part of her heritage; I love that she not only learned another language starting all the way back in kindergarten, but a language with a totally different alphabet that goes backwards! That is a HUGE thing and too many kids don't get that opportunity. I will miss that dreadfully. I am also sad that Max won't really have it at all. I know we could get involved with Rodef Sholom or Ohev Tzedek, and I do want to keep that alive, but the continuity won't be there as it is now with Akiva being a big part of our lives.
In other news, I recently got back in touch with my very first boyfriend ever, DB. I got friended recently with an old high school classmate that DB used to know, and was scrolling down the friends list and BLAM, there he was. Hadn't thought of him in decades. I wrote a quick "hi how are you" message and a few days later he friended me.
I actually met him right before I turned 15, when my mom and sister and I went to Baskin Robbins to get ice cream. He was working there (he was 16) and started talking to me, and being quite flirty. We went back a few days later and he asked me if I wanted to see his car. OF COURSE I did. So he walked me out to the parking lot, showed me this mint-condition early-70's yellow Cutlass 442 convertible, and then asked me out. No fool, he. Of course, I said yes. I liked him, but I was also completely and utterly dazzled and bowled over by the car, his attention and the prospect of dating him. This was the first time I was ever asked out on a date.
I remember being really hesitant about asking my parents if I could go. I thought the biggest obstacle would be my father, since he was a big worrier and was always ragging on me if I had crushes on someone, and just generally treating me like I was four years old. I figured my mother would be understanding, since she generally was (my, how things have changed), and because she had met him at the store those two times and seemed to like him. So I asked Dad (after psyching myself up) and he completely took the wind out of my sails with, "Ok, it's fine with me if your mother is OK with it." Whuck??? I had expected at the very least, a tirade about rotten boys and me being too young and yadda yadda. I was totally gobsmacked.
So later on, I went to Mom and of all things, SHE put me through the third, fourth and fifth degrees. "How do you know he's a nice boy? Why do you want to go out with him? Do you think you're old enough? I don't think you can handle this. Are you sure you like him? Why should we let you go out with him?" Again, totally gobsmacked, and unprepared for the barrage. Somehow, though, I ended up getting permission, and with the caveat that I had to be home by 11:00 and that he had to come in and meet them first, it was on.
Our first date, we went to see "Airplane" and then out for ice cream afterwards. There was some kissing and canoodling, which was all very thrilling. We had a great time, we were both obviously crushing really really hard on each other, and it was just all ice cream and rainbows.
We continued to date for another three weeks or so, with progressively more intense necking sessions in the car, etc. It was thrilling, of course, and I enjoyed it mightily. We also were quite sure we were "in love", for real. Deeply infatuated, no doubt. Love... probably not.
Very fortunately, he was a genuinely decent kid who never pressured me -- one of the first things he said is "We won't do anything you don't want to do" and he meant it, which made me more comfortable with doing more. We never got so far as actual sex, thank God, because I was way way way way too young (and he was too, really), but it was on the table for a while.
Then out of the blue, his dad got transferred, and they had to move. We broke up (at his parents' behest, from my understanding) right before the move. I was DEVASTATED. I spent the rest of that summer mooning around and crying and just generally being miserable, which in hindsight was ridiculous, but at the time it was a big deal.
While I look back fondly on that period, I also have to wonder just what in HELL my parents were thinking, letting me date at all at that age (barely 15), let alone going out with a guy in a car. Granted, he wasn't much older than me, so we were both kids, but still. I cannot even begin to fathom letting Emily do this in 5 years. I have no doubt she will be asked out a lot -- she is gorgeous (in my admittedly biased opinion) and socially pretty adept and friendly, so there will be boyfriends and attention. But no way in hell is she going to be dating one-on-one (do kids even do that any more) until she's like 16 or 17, MAYBE. Good lord. I really was too young to be dating, let alone getting emotionally and somewhat physically involved with anyone, at barely 15.
I dated a few other people after that, before I met Jon, but nothing ever got to that point until Jon -- lots of fun, beer and making out, but not the major emotional involvement. And then when I met Jon, while I had a mad crush on him from the start, things progressed more slowly, and we were friends and got to know each other during that time, along with the dating/romance. Also, of course, we were older (I was 17 and he was 18) and those two years from 15 to 17 do make a difference at that stage.
Something I just realized -- of all my old boyfriends, only one of them has had kids. All the rest have remained childless, though all but one are married. Interesting.
One sad thing is that DB's 16yo nephew has just died, from some type of heart defect/stroke. I wish I could send a message/condolences to his sister and parents, but I don't want to intrude and I don't know if they remember me anyway. I did give condolences to DB. I can tell he's devastated.
Another bit of fun -- with my dad's estate. So it seems that, while there was/is a will, nobody has a clue where it is, and apparently we can't move forward with his tax return until there is some kind of will in hand, and an executor named (which I think would be my sister, so why I'm busting my ass on all of this is beyond me). My accountant has gone above and beyond trying to help us figure this out, but he is finally at a stopping point. So, it looks like the only thing we can do is go to probate court and try to get this resolved. Whoo-fucking-hoo. I really, really really hate how this has been going. My mother, who had been divorced from my dad for at least 15 years before he died, is riding my ass constantly about all of this. I am ready to kill. The man is dead. So what if the tax refund can't be retrieved? it's only money. It won't bring him back, and it's not like any of us *need* it since we're all doing just fine financially.
I have already told her that I want absolutely zero, zip, nada to do with any of her wills/paperwork/etc. when her time comes. My sister gets to do this one -- every last bit of it. My mom is convinced I'll fuck it all up anyway (not that it would matter since she'd be DEAD) but if I know her, she'll find a way to harass me from beyond the grave if I have anything to do with it. Gah.
And that's about it for now.
Friday will be his last day at St. Mark's, and then we'll take Monday and Tuesday off before he starts Montessori on the 1st. It's a bit of an awkward gap, but his teacher figured it would be a bit easier than one day going to one school and then BAM another day starting somewhere new. I need to figure out something nice to do for them. I'm going to be donating a shit-ton (approximately) of baby toys and books to their infant and toddler room, since they indicated a need for extras, but I'd like to make a donation or maybe get them some kind of a gift card for a place like Carson/Dellossa or anywhere they can get nice new materials for their classes. They have done so much for Max, and I honestly don't know how we would have survived if he hadn't been able to go there last year for the 3's.
It's going to be a bit hectic in the mornings, getting Emily to Akiva and then Max to Montessori, but he'll only be going half-days for the rest of this year, so pickup is going to be a breeze. Next year, Emily will be at Montessori too, so it will be amazingly simple. It's going to be so nice having two kids in the same school -- it'll sure cut down on the mileage if nothing else.
I feel kind of sad about taking Emily out of Akiva. From a logistical standpoint, though, it just doesn't seem possible to have the two of them at different schools once Max starts going full-time (presumably next fall). I do not like the direction Akiva is going in currently (taking in way too many EdChoice kids that just aren't up to the academic and behavior standards, the watering-down of the Judaica) but Emily's class is relatively unaffected by this. Her group is sort of the last "old-school" type of class there, in that most of the kids are Jewish and part of the local Jewish community; all but one of them are not EdChoice; all but two of them have been there since at least first grade and are well-versed in the Hebrew and Judaica studies. It really is a great group of kids and I have loved watching them all grow up together. I will miss them terribly.
Emily has mixed feelings -- she will miss her class and the teachers and the school, but she says there is starting to be a lot more chaos and bad behavior overall; not so much in her class or the upper grades but in the school in general. The climate of the place has really changed, and not for the better, unfortunately. She has good friends in the class (in particular Julia and Caroline) but she isn't as much a part of the local Jewish community as they all are. Whereas at Montessori, she will be with Boston, Ridley, AND Ben M. -- three of her best friends, that she is more involved with outside of school, between dance and mutual friends and YSU stuff. Plus I'm closer to their parents as my own friends, where while I quite like most of the parents at Akiva, I haven't really become close to any of them outside of school. Gretchen would be an exception, but I hardly think of her as an Akiva parent -- I never see her there, Emily and Andrew aren't close any more, and my friendship with Gretchen so far predates the Akiva era anyway.
She's excited to go to Montessori, and is actually kind of pleased also about being at school with Max. I think it will be a good fit for her. In particular, the way they learn math (with more manipulatives and hands-on lessons rather than just workbooks) will probably be what saves her, because she is not doing well with that at all. Largely this is due to the fact that she isn't lazy exactly, but doesn't want to persist at something if she doesn't get it right away. (I know... chip off the old block.) And she has a great memory for stuff like spelling, and if she'd just apply it to learning, say, the times tables and basic math procedures she'd be amazing at it. With the multi-age classroom, too, she can work ahead as far as she needs to (she's way beyond grade level with reading and spelling) and get all the extra time/help she needs with stuff like math, both from the teacher and from her peers.
I will really miss the Jewish education and what it's added to our lives, though. I love that I have learned so much about it and it helped me feel closer to my dad and the memory of my grandpa; I love that Emily feels proud of that part of her heritage; I love that she not only learned another language starting all the way back in kindergarten, but a language with a totally different alphabet that goes backwards! That is a HUGE thing and too many kids don't get that opportunity. I will miss that dreadfully. I am also sad that Max won't really have it at all. I know we could get involved with Rodef Sholom or Ohev Tzedek, and I do want to keep that alive, but the continuity won't be there as it is now with Akiva being a big part of our lives.
In other news, I recently got back in touch with my very first boyfriend ever, DB. I got friended recently with an old high school classmate that DB used to know, and was scrolling down the friends list and BLAM, there he was. Hadn't thought of him in decades. I wrote a quick "hi how are you" message and a few days later he friended me.
I actually met him right before I turned 15, when my mom and sister and I went to Baskin Robbins to get ice cream. He was working there (he was 16) and started talking to me, and being quite flirty. We went back a few days later and he asked me if I wanted to see his car. OF COURSE I did. So he walked me out to the parking lot, showed me this mint-condition early-70's yellow Cutlass 442 convertible, and then asked me out. No fool, he. Of course, I said yes. I liked him, but I was also completely and utterly dazzled and bowled over by the car, his attention and the prospect of dating him. This was the first time I was ever asked out on a date.
I remember being really hesitant about asking my parents if I could go. I thought the biggest obstacle would be my father, since he was a big worrier and was always ragging on me if I had crushes on someone, and just generally treating me like I was four years old. I figured my mother would be understanding, since she generally was (my, how things have changed), and because she had met him at the store those two times and seemed to like him. So I asked Dad (after psyching myself up) and he completely took the wind out of my sails with, "Ok, it's fine with me if your mother is OK with it." Whuck??? I had expected at the very least, a tirade about rotten boys and me being too young and yadda yadda. I was totally gobsmacked.
So later on, I went to Mom and of all things, SHE put me through the third, fourth and fifth degrees. "How do you know he's a nice boy? Why do you want to go out with him? Do you think you're old enough? I don't think you can handle this. Are you sure you like him? Why should we let you go out with him?" Again, totally gobsmacked, and unprepared for the barrage. Somehow, though, I ended up getting permission, and with the caveat that I had to be home by 11:00 and that he had to come in and meet them first, it was on.
Our first date, we went to see "Airplane" and then out for ice cream afterwards. There was some kissing and canoodling, which was all very thrilling. We had a great time, we were both obviously crushing really really hard on each other, and it was just all ice cream and rainbows.
We continued to date for another three weeks or so, with progressively more intense necking sessions in the car, etc. It was thrilling, of course, and I enjoyed it mightily. We also were quite sure we were "in love", for real. Deeply infatuated, no doubt. Love... probably not.
Very fortunately, he was a genuinely decent kid who never pressured me -- one of the first things he said is "We won't do anything you don't want to do" and he meant it, which made me more comfortable with doing more. We never got so far as actual sex, thank God, because I was way way way way too young (and he was too, really), but it was on the table for a while.
Then out of the blue, his dad got transferred, and they had to move. We broke up (at his parents' behest, from my understanding) right before the move. I was DEVASTATED. I spent the rest of that summer mooning around and crying and just generally being miserable, which in hindsight was ridiculous, but at the time it was a big deal.
While I look back fondly on that period, I also have to wonder just what in HELL my parents were thinking, letting me date at all at that age (barely 15), let alone going out with a guy in a car. Granted, he wasn't much older than me, so we were both kids, but still. I cannot even begin to fathom letting Emily do this in 5 years. I have no doubt she will be asked out a lot -- she is gorgeous (in my admittedly biased opinion) and socially pretty adept and friendly, so there will be boyfriends and attention. But no way in hell is she going to be dating one-on-one (do kids even do that any more) until she's like 16 or 17, MAYBE. Good lord. I really was too young to be dating, let alone getting emotionally and somewhat physically involved with anyone, at barely 15.
I dated a few other people after that, before I met Jon, but nothing ever got to that point until Jon -- lots of fun, beer and making out, but not the major emotional involvement. And then when I met Jon, while I had a mad crush on him from the start, things progressed more slowly, and we were friends and got to know each other during that time, along with the dating/romance. Also, of course, we were older (I was 17 and he was 18) and those two years from 15 to 17 do make a difference at that stage.
Something I just realized -- of all my old boyfriends, only one of them has had kids. All the rest have remained childless, though all but one are married. Interesting.
One sad thing is that DB's 16yo nephew has just died, from some type of heart defect/stroke. I wish I could send a message/condolences to his sister and parents, but I don't want to intrude and I don't know if they remember me anyway. I did give condolences to DB. I can tell he's devastated.
Another bit of fun -- with my dad's estate. So it seems that, while there was/is a will, nobody has a clue where it is, and apparently we can't move forward with his tax return until there is some kind of will in hand, and an executor named (which I think would be my sister, so why I'm busting my ass on all of this is beyond me). My accountant has gone above and beyond trying to help us figure this out, but he is finally at a stopping point. So, it looks like the only thing we can do is go to probate court and try to get this resolved. Whoo-fucking-hoo. I really, really really hate how this has been going. My mother, who had been divorced from my dad for at least 15 years before he died, is riding my ass constantly about all of this. I am ready to kill. The man is dead. So what if the tax refund can't be retrieved? it's only money. It won't bring him back, and it's not like any of us *need* it since we're all doing just fine financially.
I have already told her that I want absolutely zero, zip, nada to do with any of her wills/paperwork/etc. when her time comes. My sister gets to do this one -- every last bit of it. My mom is convinced I'll fuck it all up anyway (not that it would matter since she'd be DEAD) but if I know her, she'll find a way to harass me from beyond the grave if I have anything to do with it. Gah.
And that's about it for now.
1.22.2012
Yes, again.
I'm well aware that "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results", but with that in mind, Max will start at Montessori in a week or so, and Emily will be switching to Montessori next fall. Yes, I know we went through total hell on our first go-round with Emily there, but things have changed at the school, and the long and the short of it is, Max would absolutely thrive in that kind of classroom and not so much in a traditional one. So, there we are.
Emily's pretty cool with switching schools. It helps that three of her best friends will be in the class (Boston, Ridley and Ben M.) and also things at Akiva just aren't that great any more (another long boring rant which I'll spare you).
I can't believe how little I have to say. Bleah. I used to journal up a storm, notebook after notebook after notebook. Granted it was all "me me me" stuff; nothing interesting or political or worth reading if you weren't me, but it was very therapeutic.
Oh well. I'll post more, or not. Stay tuned. Or don't.
Emily's pretty cool with switching schools. It helps that three of her best friends will be in the class (Boston, Ridley and Ben M.) and also things at Akiva just aren't that great any more (another long boring rant which I'll spare you).
I can't believe how little I have to say. Bleah. I used to journal up a storm, notebook after notebook after notebook. Granted it was all "me me me" stuff; nothing interesting or political or worth reading if you weren't me, but it was very therapeutic.
Oh well. I'll post more, or not. Stay tuned. Or don't.
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