Cautiously peers out...

Nothing much new to report. Max is now one year old, and cute as a button (see pic). Emily is doing well in school -- behaviors have really settled down. I think it was a maturity issue as much as anything. She and Julia still sometimes egg each other on in being silly, but things seem to be a little calmer. My relationship with her is great -- for some reason we seem to be closer than ever, and I am enjoying her company a lot more. Again, maybe a maturity thing, who knows?

Max is still a horrid, horrid "sleeper" (ha!). I was steered towards Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth, and so far I'm not that enthusiastic -- he pretty much does recommend the cry-it-out thing, only not gradual/incremental like Ferber.

On the other hand, I don't know what other options I have. I do think Max has trouble letting go and falling asleep, he's used to sleeping either in my arms, my bed or the car, and it's just getting impossible -- it's like I've had a newborn for an entire year. I am trying to figure out how to work it so I can get a much earlier bedtime for him, and get him to take REAL naps. In his crib, even. As I said before, I no longer view CIO on a par with human-rights abuses and the SS, but I am very, very uncomfortable with letting my kids cry, at least as infants. I do know, though, that at some point we're going to have a come-to-Jesus about sleep and staying in bed, and it's only a question of when. I am at the point where I want it to change but I am NOT ready to actually DO anything yet, because I'm the world's biggest wuss, and I am also very, very bad about process -- if it doesn't work IMMEDIATELY I will melt down and be all despairing and martyred and pissed off, and nobody likes that either.

Helllllllllllllllp.

Holy maelstrom, Batman

I am obviously getting too old and insane to be trusted with heavy (laptop-sized) machinery. I was so oblivious to even my own pages that I didn't consider the consequences of having the blog linked.

Anyway, we'll see what happens from here.

Right now I'm whipped -- Max is the world's worst co-sleeper, and it seems I have been juggling him and nursing for 12 hours. He's almost 1yo -- this has to stop.

I don't know HOW, because although I no longer think CIO is right up there with war crimes and animal cruelty, I still don't have the strength/guts/wherewithal to follow through with doing it.

Partly because I suspect it wouldn't quite work yet, too -- he's in the height of separation anxiety.

I know the day will come sooner than I think when he will be a lumbering teenage boy who wants to sleep until noon every day, and it's not that I wish his whole childhood away, but I would give ANYTHING for one night of completely uninterrupted sleep, alone, with room service and unlimited cable.

Snow day!

Because points north of us got about 1" of snow, they canceled school. Just as well; I think it would have been hard on everyone to go back barely a day after staying up til midnight and eating crap.

Went to Lisa W's house last night and hung out and ate pizza. The girls ran wild all over the house and Max had a blast with the train table, in between attempts to make a break for the stairs (he is obsessed with climbing stairs, which reminds me I have to figure out a way to rig a gate at the bottom of ours).

It's fun when you get to know a family where the dhs are friends and the kids get along, on top of Lisa's and my friendship.

I'm sitting here with Max sleeping on my lap. I really should try to put him down in his crib, but I know he'd wake up right away and I'd get frustrated and I don't want to get all bent out of shape. It really is getting out of hand, though -- I can't do anything whether he's asleep or awake. Gah.

buh-bye, 2007

Well, as years go, '07 was a really mixed bag.

We had Max, which was the single best thing, despite occasional sleep-deprived colicky moments to the contrary.

Emily started kindergarten at a great school and is doing beautifully.

We're all still alive and healthy-ish. Financially we are in fine shape.

On the downside, Jon is having to work his ass off just to get the minimal tenure requirements finished (due to transient students who are not always as competent in the lab as they should be); Hannah has been gone 4 years now and it is still very difficult; my dad is on a downward spiral; my sister has been on and off of a downward spiral (am hoping it's now stabilized); the various meetup dramas are increasing in both frequency and absurdity; and our house/yard is going to need major work in the near future.

The thing that's so frustrating about the latest turn-up with the BoredMoms is that a 6-week-old blog entry written in extreme anger, is now going to be taken as etched in stone. As if nobody else has ever lost their shit and reacted to something by spewing venom. Like other dramas, it will have its half-life and then die out slowly, or it would if there wasn't such a pathological need to stir the shit. Stay tuned.

Sandwich

I have officially become part of the Sandwich Generation. I have small needy children, and now I have a father who is dying, and it is not fun.

Dad has been a using alcoholic at least since his 30's if not before, and it is finally catching up with him. His liver is shutting down, he's bleeding internally, and I've been led to understand it's a matter of weeks, at best.

So: he's in south Texas, Zoe is in Florida, and I'm in the butt-guy state. Dad's cousin Chula is shouldering the load right now, which is made more complicated by the fact that she lost her own father a couple of weeks ago. RIP, Tio Joel.

So obviously one of us has to go there and help out. I want to see him and say goodbye. Zoe has the POA which she is barely equipped to handle, but she says she is going down there. Jon is still swamped with work, Emily has 2 more weeks of school, Max is absolutely the worst possible age/stage to take on a trip like this, and the anniversary of Hannah's death AND Christmas are bearing down on us.

Help.

pleasantly surprised

So after all that gnashing of keys, it actually turned out to be a nice day. We did the turkey/stuffing/mashed potato thing; it all turned out perfect and delicious. Emily helped with a few things, we sat around and ate cinnamon rolls and watched the parade, ate when it was ready, and even despite Max being whiny and uncooperative during the meal, it was a great time.

Then we went to Gary & Nesha's for pie and wine, which was also good. Although I had 3 big glasses of wine and had a minor headache this morning.

Today Jon went in and worked most of the day, but I braved the crowds and took the kids to the mall for a while -- actually got a parking space pretty close in, and the playground was the least-crowded part of the mall. Then a good dinner tonight (turkey tetrazzini), turkey stock made and put away, and all is good.

AND Emily is contentedly asleep in her bed wearing her pink-and-white handknit socks. That makes me very happy!

ssdd

I did get a week's worth called in and have an appt. for next Monday, so at least for the rest of the week I should be slightly less unpleasant.

I also think I'm in a bad state because we're coming up on the holidays, and now we're at the real "groundhog day" part -- once again, we have a kindergartener, a toddler/baby, work stress, holiday rush... and last time we were in this place, the worst happened.

When I was at my hair appointment the other day and there was a pair of twins getting their haircuts in the chair next to mine, that really triggered it, I think. They were just a bit younger than Hannah would be now; they reminded me of her a bit, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was crying a bit while the color was setting, luckily nobody noticed. But it set the tone for the rest of the day, and I think it is also why I am in such a really, really bad emotional place right now.

I'm still debating whether to do an actual Thanksgiving dinner or not. I wish the Walkers had invited us over for the meal as well, instead of just after-dinner stuff. I know they want to have the quiet time with the girls, and don't need the added work of cooking for more people, but we really need someone with us, I think.

Some options might be to take Emily out for lunch somewhere fun and then to a movie -- we were thinking of taking her to the Bee movie, since it looked like fun to us too. Or maybe go bowling, or down to P'bgh to the children's museum and then off for Indian food afterwards. I just don't know.

Emily is excited about having a Thanksgiving dinner, though, and wants to use the placemat she made at school, and I do love turkey/stuffing/mashed potatoes/etc.

I suppose we could thrash around and try to find someone to invite, but then it gets awkward if we have plans after dinner and have to get the guests to leave. Plus, pretty much everyone I like well enough to have them over to a holiday meal already has plans/family lined up that day.

I am SO TIRED of feeling this way. I don't know how to pull myself out of it. I know I was talking a good game a few posts back about trying to get some exercise and eat better, and I think I really need to do that -- well, I don't have a choice, actually, because my physical health is at stake too. But I can't muster up the energy/gumption/life to actually get off my ass and do it. The house is getting kind of ragged around the edges again, but I just can't be bothered, but then it becomes a vicious cycle because I can't stand the squalor and have to get out of the house, which means less gets done, etc. etc.

bleah

oops

Forgot my appointment for the meds on Saturday. Funny, I remembered the hair color appointment.

Well, I'll try to set up something asap and see if they'll call in a 1-month refill at least. I was hoping that perhaps after a few days I could get myself off the meds, but I seem to be getting worse.

I'm kind of over the whole thanksgiving thing. I love the meal, but the idea of doing all of that for just me and Jon, and to a lesser extent Emily, just seems daunting. We are going to the Walkers after their dinner for pie and board games, but maybe we can look into going somewhere for Indian food or something for our actual dinner? I dunno.

bleah.

Wal Mart mom

I am SO impatient lately. Part of it is that I've run out of meds (will get refill script on Sat.).

Part of it is that Max is teething big time -- I'm thinking molars or multiple teeth at minimum -- so he has a little diaper rash, is drooling and biting constantly, and is very very very very fussy.

And Emily is pretty hyper. That's just her personality, anyway, but I have not nearly enough tolerance for it lately. I think she needs a lot more physical activity -- free running around time, but maybe also something like gymnastics or something.

The main thing, I think, is that I REALLY am dropping the ball in terms of taking care of myself. I am eating total crap/caca/garbage, all day, every day. I am getting NO exercise. I spend way too much time on the computer, or at least the time I spend is reading/posting on that ridiculous local Meetup board I'm on instead of something like this, or working on graphics stuff, or reading things of some substance and interest.

I made a sort of rice-and-beans dish tonight and it was amazing how much better I felt, just eating real food instead of crap.

I always, always, always put myself on the back burner and it has to stop. Not necessarily in an altruistic self-sacrificing way, but in an instant-gratification quick & dirty kind of way -- I nickel-and-dime myself and my health, because I think that's all I can manage and I don't try to put just 10 minutes of effort into doing something better for myself -- making something decent to eat instead of hitting a drive-thru.

It's not like I'm trying to make a souffle and pheasant -- the rice and beans thing took MAYBE five, ten minutes to put together, from chopping the first onion to getting it simmering. Grated some cheese while it cooked, and voila. It's way better than anything I could get in any of the pathetic ratholes that pass for restaurants around here, and it is certainly faster and cheaper.

Maybe one thing that would help is leaning more towards a vegetarian, or at least a mostly no-red-meat approach to our food here. Emily really doesn't like meat that much anyway, it costs out the wazoo, and handling and keeping it is a pain in the butt. I don't think I can go entirely meatless -- I do like chicken and turkey, and I think a very occasional roast or curried ground meat dish is too good to forgo entirely.

I'm just over the whole weight-loss thing, too. It becomes such a numbers game and I start focusing on that instead of stepping back and looking at the big picture of how I eat as a whole, and how I live. I suspect that if I were to get my act together in terms of food and getting a little exercise, I'd end up the size I'm supposed to be. I know I'm not a skinny person, and even being quite overweight as I currently am, I'm reasonably well-proportioned -- I don't have a giant ass or a weird overall shape, but what's happened to my abdominals just doesn't bear thinking about. Having a baby in my 40's wasn't exactly the wisest choice health-wise either, but too late to worry about that now.

Found out today that in my psychotic playgroup, something I was blamed for (and in turn wrongly accused someone else of) was actually done by someone I considered a friend -- someone who really seemed like she was way beyond doing petty bullshit like that. Very disappointing.

So: Tomorrow is Thursday. Nothing major to do. How can I approach this rationally, in a way that is not actually destructive to my health?

I can: Eat breakfast. Even if it's just cheese toast or oatmeal, and a piece of fruit.

Have some tea, maybe, instead of instant coffee cack.

Do a lap of the mall -- just a quick walk around. Then stop at the playground and let Max do some crawling and playing.

Get a shower in.

Make something decent for dinner -- potato-cauliflower soup?

Try to just pick up a little around the house.

Call Intuit's customer service and try to get the Quicken clusterfuck unclustered and unfucked.

Stay tuned. Or as Tim Gunn would say, "Carry on".

The apple of my eye

Right now, it's my BRAND NEW MACBOOK.

Yes, after nearly a decade on the Dark Side, I have gone back. Once you go Mac, you won't go back. Or something.

I have to say, it's been great to finally have MY VERY OWN computer, but wow, a decade away can make it rather difficult to remember how to do stuff.

I got used to the PC interface, and Windows did evolve pretty nicely over the years, and so I seem to have it hard-wired into my brain.

But with the Mac, it's almost counter-intuitive (counter to how they market themselves). It is as though they think they have to do the work for you. I used iPhoto and discovered that somehow individual photos are not saved, so that I end up trying to use a "library" for an avatar. I suppose it doesn't help that I am ten years older and had a brain injury and three kids during that time.

Oh well, working my way up the learning curve should help stave off dementia, at least by another week or so.

it's early yet

but things seem to have gotten off to a very, very smooth start today. She got up, had breakfast, everyone got ready and going in time. We get there, walk in, she goes right to the locker, then into her classroom. Happy, excited, etc.

I know this is just the start, and I'm bracing myself for the possibility that there might be a delayed reaction (as in the Montessori debacle). I have a gut feeling, though, that we are pretty well set.

This feels weird.

so far so good

Well, the kindergarten visit/orientation thing went pretty smoothly. Despite saying she was "excited but a little bit nervous", I saw mostly the former and hardly any of the latter. She was happy to be there, excited to find her desk, really jazzed about her locker, enjoyed touring around the room and the school, and seemed pretty comfortable.

I'm sure it will be a bit different next week when I'm not there and she has to stay longer than an hour, but I'm starting to think (wishfully?) that this might NOT be a repeat of the Montessori catastrophe (think R. M. S. Titanic, only with preschoolers and Montessori fundamentalist jihads). Jon will be going with us to drop her off on Monday, then from that point the idea is he will do dropoff and I will do pickup every day. I think that might be a good thing -- she gets his undivided attention for a brief time, he gets to see her school on a more or less daily basis (and precedent for this was set after Max was born and he took her to preschool, too).

One of my high-risk OBs has a daughter in the class. I've actually seen her and her little brother around all over the place this summer, with their nanny -- they go to the mall playground a lot and the Y. So we may get to know them, a bit.

Then Lisa and I met up at the bookstore and went on to the mall with the kids. Ava has the same effect on Emily that Aidan does -- they seem to bring out Emily's inner hyperactive demon two-year-old. At one point we were trying to get pizza for lunch and it was so chaotic and horrible that Lisa and I just started laughing hysterically and could not stop. Needless to say, we also saw people from Lisa's church and Emily's preschool while we were making utter crazed fools of ourselves.

It was about 400 degrees and 9,000% humidity outside today, which didn't help. EVERYONE seemed in a pissy mood, and all the kids were straight-up brats. I am really, really, really looking forward to fall.

Dinner: an improvised chicken breast thing with the thai orange bbq sauce from American Spoon, and a package of coconut jasmine rice from Target, of all places. We should do a veggie, but I'll just throw some frozen peas into the rice and call it a day.

grrrr

WHY do they offer a "remember me" option when you sign in if blogger.com NEVER REMEMBERS YOU ANYWAY?

Why does the kindy teacher want everything -- even the individual pencils -- labeled?

Why won't max sleep ANYWHERE but in a moving car or my arms?

Why are people around here so stupid?

Why is it 80 degrees and 8000% humidity? I felt like I was in the rainforest just stepping out to the car to get the school supplies?

Why don't schools supply their own damn pencils, glue and crayons? When I went to kindergarten I didn't need to buy that stuff. Of course, it was almost 40 years ago, but I think the scool supplied us with slate pencils, primers and a water pail, at least.

Win-win

So in a few minutes, we'll go pick up Sophy, Emily's favorite babysitter, and she and Emily can hang out for a couple of hours and have "girl time" before Sophy goes back to Vassar on Friday (we have VERY classy babysitters!) and so I can get some errands done WITHOUT someone talking constantly and asking me for everything they see and complaining about how they NEVER get ANYthing, EVER...

And tomorrow is kindergarten orientation. Fingers, toes, everything crossable crossed that it goes well. I think it will.

Now that the hurricane remnants have passed through, it is hot, sticky, humid and in general disgusting out. I REEEEALLY have had enough of summer, already.

We went and helped out at church last night a bit -- they are repainting and rearranging some of the Sunday School rooms. With their usual stellar organizational and communication skills, only about 4 people ended up showing at completely random times, and the babysitting and activities were sketchy. So we bailed a little early, but not before I scraped about 8 years' worth of dried glue and paint off the preschool art tables, and got to know a bit too much about some of the other parishioners. There's something about being in recovery (AA in this one guy's case) that does make one go on, and on, and on, and on and on-anon...

OK, have to scoot.

yumm-o

I made the single best batch of kheer (Indian spiced rice pudding) for book club last night. We read Hullabaloo in the Guava Orchard by Kiran Desai, and it was my turn to make refreshments, so I wanted to go with an Indian theme. I had also planned to make onion bhaji and buy some samosas, but the universe conspired against me. Still, the kheer is FABULOUS. Cardamom, nutmeg, almonds, orange peel, a touch of saffron, and a hint of rose essence. Beats any restaurant version I've ever had! And it makes a damn good breakfast.

So church will start back up. Not that it doesn't continue year-round, but it isn't really feasible in the summer with no Sunday school -- Emily has the attention span of a gnat and Max is beyond the stage where I could just nurse and have him sleep through the service. They do have a nursery worker, but I'm not that fond of her, although the kids seem to like her well enough.

And Emily will be attending a Jewish elementary school, after being raised Episcopalian and going to two rather evangelically-oriented VBSs. This should be interesting!

I'm still in utter despair at the state of my house -- I've nearly crossed the line into How Clean Is Your House territory (from a mere Clean Sweep level) but without help it is IMPOSSIBLE. I hate this.

Beginning of the end

Well, I for one am glad summer's drawing to a close. I do worry that we might have a repeat of the Montessori disaster when Emily starts Akiva, but I think it might be different -- she is older, her best friend is there, etc. I do know she NEEEEEDS some daily activity/outside the house time, and she's bored, so it will make a difference.

Now if only we could get Max to sleep in his crib, instead of ONLY attached to my boob, or in the car (while driving) or on Jon after he's walked him five miles or so around the living room.

And I'm trying to de-squalor the house one room at a time. It has been a painfully slow process, because everybody is around all the time, and because I have been MAJORLY depressed, but I'm not going to feel any better by continuing to sit in the squalor.

Off to do errands.

Such Drama!

So this playgroup I'm in completely imploded this past week. Something about some member keeping a spreadsheet (?!) about another/prospective member, trying to get everyone else involved, then someone else deleted her, so she went off and started a new group. Wailing and gnashing of teeth ensued. It seems more people were discontented than we had assumed, because now most of us, including me, have joined that other group (although I'm going "bi", staying in both).

Holy hell, what a mess.

On the other hand, I designed an absolutely ROCKIN' t-shirt for the original group, but now I doubt it will get made. However, I'd feel funny about letting the new group use the design.

Max is driving me absolutely crazy. He WILL NOT sleep unless he is attached to my boob, or asleep on my lap, or very occasionally in the car (if it's moving). He will also sleep reasonably well in our bed at night. But this means that except for the times Jon takes him off my hands, he is literally attached to me all the time. Not just waking hours.

He is fussy, too. Not colicky like the girls were, but it seems like he gets bored or uncomfortable or something rather quickly. I'm not sure what it is, really. He does have reflux, and that might be part of the problem -- he spits up CONSTANTLY which is also really wearing me out (and destroying all my shirts). We give him Zantac but I don't really see a difference. I'm thinking I might need to check with the ped again about this.

I had thought about trying to start him on a bit of cereal, because sometimes with reflux babies that will stay in a little better, but I don't think he's ready for spoon feeding yet and I don't want to give it to him in a bottle.

I hate wishing his babyhood away, but I am going to be glad when this part passes and I can use my hands from time to time, or even have him unattached to me for more than a half-hour here and there.

He's got teeth!

The first 2 are juuuuuust beginning to poke through -- the sharp little edges, anyway. He's been an absolute pill, but seems to be calming down a bit.

Funny; Hannah got her first teeth at 6 months, Emily got them at 3, and Max is halfway in between at 4 1/2 months teething.

I had Sophy babysit for the 2 of them today, which didn't go terribly well -- Max was outraged at the fact that I wasn't there, and that Sophy was not lactating. I did leave bottles, but it just didn't quite cut it.

I did get out briefly this evening, after throwing a mild tantrum about never having a life and Emily being wild and uncontrollable and Max being a human barnacle.

Luckily I was able to refill my Zoloft script while I was out.

Went to the bookstore briefly, wandered around, etc.

Anyway, that's all the drivel for now.

The more things change

So apparently we're NOT done supplementing Max. A couple of weeks ago, after his bottle, he threw it all up and was feverish for the next 24 hours. Since rotavirus was going around, I thought that was part of his problem. I took him in the next day and he had gained 4 ounces in as many days, so I decided to stop supplementing (he was just getting 2 oz in the evening).

Well, he turned into one cranky little bastard for the next couple of weeks. He was nursing a lot, peeing and pooping fine, but DAMN he was fussy. We just couldn't figure it out -- maybe he was just about to make a development surge (he did roll over for the first time today...), maybe something I was eating was upsetting him, maybe he was just recovering from being a little sick. Maybe teething, although no sign of teeth yet.

Well, the other night he was just SCREAMING so Jon decided we should just try giving him a 2oz bottle. Sure enough -- he's been like a different kid ever since. It's weird what a difference just that 2oz of formula seems to make. It can't be that he's been thriving on just that feeding, and he certainly nurses nonstop so I know he's getting a bunch. He clearly wasn't losing weight or going hungry when we weren't doing it, but I don't know -- maybe by the end of the day he's tired and wants something more, well, "solid" in his tummy.

Oh well. It's nice to have him back to his (comparatively) unfussy self. I was so traumatized, thinking he was only NOW starting to develop colic, or maybe there was a neurological disorder. You'd think by the 3rd kid I'd know not to imagine worst-case scenarios for everything.

Emily had her last-day-of-school picnic today. It was fun. She played most of the time with her two "boyfriends" (her term, not mine) Anthony and Caleb -- the two redheaded boys in the school. She is definitely more at ease playing with boys -- she certainly has the same energy level and need for constant motion and noise. ASSuming Max shares those traits, she'll make a good big sister for a little boy.

It's weird to think she's getting to the same age/stage Hannah was before she died. I am starting to think about all of that a lot more, as Emily gets ready for kindergarten. I think in a way it's going to be strange when Emily finishes that first kindergarten year and turns 6 -- we will finally be in new territory. I have been parenting kids 5 and under for nearly a decade now. I've mentioned before that this is a bit like the movie Groundhog Day, only instead of repeating each day I repeat 4-year cycles. Except this time we have a baby boy instead of a baby girl, and DH's job is not as likely to be at risk, it's almost the same circumstances -- been in new house/town 2 years, older dd finishing preschool, younger child turning from baby to toddler (or in Max's case, from newborn to just plain baby, what with rolling over and starting to grab at things).

Well, there's more, but I'm tired. More later.

Monday

Things are chugging along. We had a nice Mother's Day -- went to church, chatted with friends, then Emily and I went to the store to get stuff to take to Nesha's for dinner. Then Jon took over with the kids while I fixed a hellacious pasta salad, and then off to Nesha's for dinner: grilled steaks, green salad, my pasta salad, wine, hard cider, and strawberries & ice cream for dessert.

SO much fun. They are becoming real friends. It's funny how Nesha and I have gotten to know each other largely through posting together on the same message boards, which I stumbled on when I posted on Sybermoms that I knew someone with a dd named Philosophy, and two people immediately knew who I was talking about and led me over to those boards.

It reminds me a bit of when I was little and my parents and the Gallins would hang out, although they are pretty much the opposite of the Gallins, thank god. The Gallins scattered when my parents split. I don't think Rita was all that into it, actually.

So today, I hung out and nursed and watched TV in the am, then picked up Emily, took Max for his blood draw for the thyroid check, then off to the mall for lunch and some playing. Not a bad day. I hope the thyroid levels are continuing to normalize. I think they are. The alternative is just too terrifying.

Dinner: ground beef & peas curry, aloo gobi, basmati rice.

Got Emily a haircut today too. Not unlike mine, except hers is longer and her hair is not shot through with wiry grays. She did great -- got her hair washed at the sinks just like a grownup, and was OK about sitting still and following directions during the cut.

Tomorrow's a Meetup playgroup at Karen's. They have a teeny McMansion kind of house and a blingy playset out back, but she's refreshingly down-to-earth. Hoping it's a good turnout.

Friday Jon will be taking the day off, because it'll be Emily's last Friday at preschool (complete with Mom's Day Out so she'll be gone for FIVE HOURS) and he will take charge of Max (except for the nursing, of course) and I will shovel the shit out of this house and make my best effort to get it into some kind of presentable shape. I'm not trying for perfection, but I am trying to get us out of the "squalor" category. It's too gross. I think I'd feel a hell of a lot better, too, if things were fairly neat and comfortable, instead of dirty and chaotic. I'm going to set a goal of having a faculty party sometime this fall, so I can get the house presentable on a day-to-day basis and avoid having the hugely stressful marathon cleaning before the party.

I am also going to have to get the list of home improvements out and see where we can start. I did talk to Pete this week about coming by and checking out our landscaping (or lack thereof) to see what he can do about getting things looking better.